I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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