I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had to cum in my sink.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
