idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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