Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
