Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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