I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
