Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
