I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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