she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
