WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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