Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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