He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize