It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
