Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
