Plan B is the new Plan A
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
