Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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