I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
