Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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