Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
