Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They have beer where we have blood.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize