May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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