she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
