I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
