There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
