So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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