My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
