Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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