am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize