is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i out mim tonsoeep
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
