I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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