So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
