Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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