....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
