Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
