I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
