did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
