my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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