Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
