his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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