I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize