My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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