This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize