i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I faked an abortion last night.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
