Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
