The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
