Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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