I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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