I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He felt like a one man threesome
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
