this boner is exhausting
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize