my sisters under your porch take her home
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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