not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize