I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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