i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
