idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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