Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
