real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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