if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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