Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
