you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
