In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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