How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
