hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
