This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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