I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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