Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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