She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize