yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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