Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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