It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
