I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
