sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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