i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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